I got this uncomfortable pain in my shoulders and neck for days. I woke up with it on Thursday morning . I was in pain and it wasn’t showing sings , that will go away .For the next few days I tried everything to make myself feel better-massage, exercise, hot baths -nothing seemed to help. Then I started to look deep into it.It was time to face the dark side of me and become friends with it.
Everything happens for a reason. Your body is talking to you. Listen and stop thinking-just be still and quiet and you will feel . So here it was. For years and years I have been stimulating my body with caffeine and sugar and refined wheat. I would get up in the morning and first drug I would take would be coffee and lots of it.This would give me an instant boost , only for a few hours and then I would need another one. By then I would be hungry and eat something-I would normally say to myself-there is no calories in coffee, as I take it black it means I can eat a croissant . Very cosy, not ! But anyway. Only to discover , that I am still hungry so I have to find something else.The days will pass from one thing to the other and I would be constantly keeping busy to make myself feel important…What a waste of energy. I can’t believe I did that.
The dark side of me feels insecure and want to control everybody and every thing around me. I want to tell people what to do and what they have done wrong and how smart I am. I want to hide when people do not like me, but I want even more attention when I am feeling insecure. That is the time when I am hardly noticed and no matter what I ask people to do it wont’t be done. I am using the word”ask”, when the reality is that I was giving them a direct order. So the next phase of that madness was that I would start moaning how much I do and how much mess there is. So when I finish moaning I would start crying and feeling sorry for myself. That would be a good excuse to make myself another coffee…. This whole scenario used to happen on a very regular basis. It was fueled by the ups and downs of the caffeine and sugar fixes.
The dark side of me is my friend now. When I am feeling unsecure or unworthy I just stop. What is it? It’s just a thought and it is not true. When you say to yourself “I am safe, I am worthy, I am loved ” is peace and pure bliss. You’ve got the power.
Changing the way I eat is only an expression of the healing and detoxifying , that is happening with me and it has helped a lot.Clean water, pure food and superfoods are doing amazing things to my body. Changing what I eat and drink has changed my life and it can only get better.
I still have an arrogant super woman living with me, but we are friends now. I am powerful and feminine and I am giving love and care. I feel so much inspiration and I love sharing an abundance of gratitude. I can understand , I trust my intuition and I love learning. I am increasingly filled with Love, Passion , Gratitude and Fun.
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